Will We Need Health And Safety Training To Breathe Next

July 4, 2008

Will We Need Health And Safety Training To Breathe Next

And once again we have health and safety madness at its true British best!

Illegal raves that cause disruption to nearby residents, where illegal drugs are sold and consumed by many and where the countryside is trashed by people who couldn’t give a damn, will NOT be broken up by police because they have not had the necessary health and safety training in the dark. We all know what a health and safety risk the dark is! Police have also raised concern that if they break up the raves, party goers may disperse and drive whilst still under the influence of drink or drugs. Is it just me or can anyone else see the madness in this? Stop the illegal raves, prosecute everyone who drives while under the influence, get all those mindless morons off the road and kill two birds with one stone.

Of course, bird killing with stones or any other implement would probably be banned under health and safety regulations too!

And it’s not just the police that have their duties restricted by the lack of health and safety training - or the lack of common sense - however you want to view it. Postmen are also coming under scrutiny and in some areas are having their bikes taken away and replaced with post trolleys. This is to prevent shoulder strain from carrying their bags but bikes have carriers on them so the reasoning makes no sense at all. Instead we are going to see hoards of postmen with leg and back strain from walking miles and miles and pushing trolleys! More madness!

And not to be left out, the Mayor of Maidstone has been banned from using the official mayoral flag on her car, just in case it falls off and damages another car or road user. That will be the 8 inch by 5 inch flag, the one that contravenes health and safety regulations. Never mind the 14′ x 6′ lump of metal with the engine inside that could so easily mow down and kill someone - just watch out for the little flag on the top. After all, no-one is known to have had health and safety training in attaching it properly and the last thing the council needs is a law suit for the damage caused by a flag on the loose.

And it’s not just the grown-ups that suffer. Amid fears of law suits and litigation, schools are phasing out field trips because of a lack of health and safety training in teachers when children are out of the classroom. That will be because, as we all know, perfectly adequate teachers who display common sense and intelligence in the classroom, become gibbering idiots outside and are unable to take responsibility of their charges! I am being sarcastic here!

And then we have the health and safety risk posed by that horrendous assailant - nature. But all is not lost. The British Standards Institution currently has over 27,000 standards covering a multitude of things, including trees. They are suggesting that people be employed to inspect trees every three years to ensure they pose no risk to passers-by. This is because, in the compensation culture of today, people are scared of having a claim made against them.

So, of the six people a year that killed by trees this year, the claims could potentially be so high that perfectly good trees will be felled, just in case. So goes the very air that we breathe and the habitat for so many animals. Of course, if we are going to take such action against the evil tree should we not be wary of other things also? Every year in the UK, 640 people die from falling down stairs. I propose we do away with stairs, all live in bungalows wrapped in bubble wrap, supported by an iron lung, and never venturing out, just in case.

Current affairs expert Catherine Harvey looks at the way health and safety training does not cover everything.

Tags : health and safety training,